You're Not Failing at Self-Love. You're Missing This One Thing.
The Missing Ingredient in Self-Love Nobody Talks About
You’re not bad at self-love. You’re just used to judging yourself harshly.
And that was the story of my life until I learned what I’m about to share with you.
I knew that if I wanted to attract love and respect I needed to learn how to love and respect myself first.
I was doing my best but I was still struggling with self-love because my acne was out of control. I felt like I couldn’t love myself fully until it was cleared up.
Then in my Radical Forgiveness training, I learned that love is unconditional acceptance.
People define it in different ways but this one always stuck with me.
I remember it was my first cat that really helped me understand this definition.
My boyfriend had just bought me this beautiful leather case for my Surface. I had just started a new job and felt very professional.
Then one morning, I woke up to my cat trying to wake me up to feed him… by clawing the leather case and leaving scratch marks all over it.
I was so upset.
But 10 seconds later, when I looked at his face, all I could do was pick him up and rub noses with him.
That is unconditional acceptance.
I didn’t think, “You’re a bad cat.”
I thought, “You’re a cat. This is what cats do.”
I accepted him and all that comes with being a cat.
And that’s what self-love has become for me.
Self-love is unconditional acceptance of myself.
I love and accept myself even though my past isn’t perfect.
I love and accept myself even though I’ve made mistakes.
I love and accept myself even though my belly hangs over my pants.
I love and accept myself even though I have dark circles under my eyes.
Now, that doesn’t mean there isn’t work to be done or things I may want to change.
But the question becomes:
How can I take this perceived flaw and still unconditionally accept myself?
And for the things I do want to change, can I change them from a place of:
“I accept where I am, and I want something different.”
Instead of:
“I hate myself, and I need to change.”
Because there’s a big difference.
One is love.
The other is war.
And I’ve found that lasting change happens much more quickly when we stop going to war with ourselves.
With love,
Essence
