When Control Feels Like Safety
Are you someone who feels safer releasing control and allowing life, and the people in it, to unfold naturally?
Welcome to Self-Healing Sunday.
This week I pulled a card for our collective healing and it’s…
Surrender: “I can release my need to control.”
What is your relationship with surrender?
Do you feel safer when you’re trying to control life situations, outcomes, even other people?
Or
Are you someone who feels safer releasing control and allowing life, and the people in it, to unfold naturally?
The Card
“You need to understand the distinction between power and control. You have the power of internal control, but very little external control over people or situations. The majority of your external control is through the power of influence. You can lead by example.
Every soul has its own unique path, and it is not your job to dictate it. Giving advice or direction in a compassionate manner is the way to go. Your soul, too, has a path, and you possess the power to control it-but you must surrender the illusion that you have control over another.
Remember that this is a process, and from time to time your ego will rise up and demand that things be the way they “should be.”
Envision a hot air balloon being loaded up with all of the things you think you need to control, and let them ride away in the balloon.
You’ll be surprised to find that when you release the energy of control and accept the energy of surrender, doors will open that you never expected, because you have now given the Universe space in which to materialize what is needed for your highest soul growth.”
Let’s be honest, no matter how spiritual or woke you are, we all like to have control and manipulate situations and outcomes from time to time.
-I’m going to post this YouTube video, and I want it to get 1,000 views.
-I’m going to tell my family I’m taking a Reiki Master Certification, and I want them all to support me.
We don’t look at this as control; we see it as stating what we want.
But it’s us trying to control the algorithm or other people’s responses.
Control feels like safety, but it’s not. It’s a protection mechanism.
It stresses your system and creates dysregulation.
You can often tell if you’re trying to control someone or an outcome by how it feels in your body.
Here’s how it feels for me.
Control feels like a balled up fist in my chest.
Like I’m gripping life, wanting it to unfold exactly the way I see it. Wanting someone to be different. Wanting the outcome to match my plan.
My shoulders tense and my whole system contracts. (Nervous system dysregulation)
But when I notice it and consciously let go, I release the grip… it’s like my hands open.
My chest softens and I can breathe again.
I move from clenching to trusting. (Regulated Nervous System)
That’s surrendering and detaching from outcomes.
Learning to surrender and walk in trust is a practice.
It takes time. And you do it moment to moment. Situation to situation.
It’s not one and done.
But it starts with slowing down, noticing that you’re trying to control.
Then consciously letting go and trusting the natural flow.
Your Self-Healing Sunday Reflection:
1. Take a moment and think about a time you were trying to control something, an outcome, a person, a conversation.
Notice how that felt in your body and write it down.
2. Where in my life am I trying to control how my calling or soul work will be received?
3. What would it feel like in my body to let my work unfold without gripping the outcome?
4. What would surrender look like in one small action this week?
Happy Surrendering
Much love,
Essence
If you know you have a calling but find yourself trying to control how it unfolds, that’s not strategy, it’s protection.
I help purpose-driven women build the internal safety to relax their grip and let their voice and calling move through them.
If that’s you, you can book a consult below.