Turning Pain Into Purpose Part 2: Why Helping Often Feels Heavy
You’ll no longer: Think that you need to keep following a path that drains you while telling yourself “it’s my duty”
Hey Friends,
I shared that this series would be about how to turn your pain into purpose.
And then I received a download that turned everything I thought I knew about purpose completely upside down.
Before we can talk about what it now means to turn your pain into purpose, I want to lay a foundation for the old paradigm.
Because on Thursday, I want you to clearly feel the difference between the old way and the new.
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Turning your pain into purpose, the old paradigm
The old model usually looks like this:
Look at your pain. Your past experiences, hurts, trauma, and adversity.
Extract the lessons and growth from what you’ve been through.
Package those lessons into a clear message or story.
Go out into the world and help others with it. This becomes your purpose and calling.
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In this paradigm, purpose and calling are something you do.
A role you take on.
A title you step into.
A way you contribute or serve.
It subtly teaches that everything you’ve been through was so you could become a coach, a healer, a speaker, an author, a teacher, a doctor, or build a business around your story.
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For many people, this path has been real and meaningful.
My own pain has shaped the way I coach and guide women.
But this old paradigm can also quietly teach us that if our pain could help someone, then it’s our responsibility to say yes.
Then helping others starts to carry an energy of obligation. And it’s led some women down a misaligned path because they followed the voice of duty instead of listening to their hearts.
This almost happened to me.
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Years ago, I was invited by a nonprofit to come speak to women who were leaving abusive relationships. Leaving an abusive relationship was part of my story, and at first, I said yes.
It made sense.
It was logical.
It looked like turning pain into purpose.
But a day or two later, something didn’t feel right.
At first, I told myself it was probably fear.
But it wasn’t fear.
It was quieter than that.
It was a knowing.
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I realized that while this path had been right for many women, it wasn’t how my pain was meant to move through the world. I didn’t want to build my life or work around retelling that part of my story.
So I called back and said no.
And for years, I’ve found myself wondering... “Did I miss out on part of my purpose or calling by saying no to that opportunity?”
Now, with a deeper understanding of purpose and calling, I’ll never ask that question again.
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And once you understand and embody this new way of seeing purpose...
You’ll no longer:
Think that you need to keep following a path that drains you while telling yourself “it’s my duty”
force yourself to say yes to opportunities that look right but don’t feel right
push yourself to be visible or bold in your business when something inside you feels off or misaligned
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On Thursday, I’m going to share how I now understand purpose and calling, and what turning your pain into purpose actually means in this new paradigm.
I’ll see you then.
Much love,
Essence