The Most Sensual Thing I've Ever Done Had Nothing to Do With Sex
Your Sensuality Doesn't Belong to the Male Gaze
I was sitting in my car in the driveway after a shift at the club, and I just couldn’t make myself go inside.
I had just spent hours pretending I had a man at home, kids, this whole life.
A customer had asked about me, and I just made it all up. And it felt so real that when I pulled into my driveway and it was just me, this sadness came over me.
And instead of doing what I usually did, being mean to myself, tearing myself down, for the choices I’d made, for the life I had, I put my hand on my heart.
And I just said,
“It’s okay that you’re sad.”
I didn’t know what to call that moment back then.
Now I do.
That was sensuality.
Not the kind we usually think of.
Just me... slowing down long enough to be with myself with a little compassion instead of judgment.
What the World Told Us Sensuality Was
I think a lot of us got the wrong idea about what sensuality even is.
We were taught it had something to do with being attractive, wearing the right clothes, moving a certain way.
Performing to get attention.
Getting hot heavy in the bed.
And if you grew up being sexualized, feeling ashamed of your body, or learning that it wasn’t really safe to be soft, of course you’re going to have a weird relationship with the word sensuality.
I know I did.
I didn’t realize how disconnected I’d become from my own body until I started finding my way back.
My Flavor of Sensuality
When I say sensuality, this is what I mean…
I’m talking about slowing down enough to actually notice yourself.
To feel your breath…notice where your body feels tight.
To put your hand on your heart because you need a little comfort.
To dance in your living room because it feels good, not because anyone’s watching.
To really enjoy your morning coffee instead of rushing through it.
To gently & intentionally rub lotion into your skin instead of treating your body like one more thing to check off the list.
Those little moments are sensuality to me.
It’s just being with yourself.
Being present in your body.
Being kind to yourself.
I call it “your sensual essence” because it looks a little different for every woman.
I think most of us have just forgotten what it feels like.
Why I use sensuality as a healing tool
Here’s something I’ve noticed in my own body and in the women I work with.
It’s a whole lot harder to let something go when your body is tense.
When you’re holding your breath, clenching your jaw, tightening your shoulders, trying to hold it all together, your body isn’t exactly in a place where it wants to release anything…so the pain, trauma and shame stay stuck.
But something changes when you soften.
When you take a deep breath, let your body move a little. When you put your hand on your heart and just stay there for a moment, things shift.
That’s why I use sensuality, movement, breath, and gentle touch in my work.
I’ve seen over and over again that a body that feels safe is much more willing to let go than a body that’s trying to hold everything together.
The New Way To See Sensuality
Placing your hand on your heart after a hard moment and saying it’s okay instead of pushing through.
Letting yourself cry without rushing to be okay again, staying with the feeling until it moves.
Letting your hips sway slowly to a song you love, not for anyone watching, just because it feels good.
Caressing your own arm with the kind of tenderness you would offer someone you love.
That is sensuality. Soft. Loving. Inward.
Just for you.
Reflections:
When was the last time you were genuinely soft with yourself, not performing self-care, but actually tender?
Is there a part of your body you have been ignoring, criticizing, or overriding that is asking for your attention right now?
What is one small way you could be in your sensual essence today, not for anyone else, just for you?
Happy Journaling
Feel free to reply and share your thoughts or reflections.
Much Love,
Essence
P.S.
If this resonated and you want to experience this work firsthand, I offer a single session called the Sensual Self Expression Awakening.
It is a body-based experience using breath, movement, and feminine energy to help you soften, open, and release what your body has been holding.
This is perfect for you if:
You feel disconnected from your body and want to find your way back.
You are carrying something heavy and your body feels tight and braced.
You are curious about sensuality as a healing practice but have never experienced it this way.
You just want an hour to be with yourself, fully, in a held and gentle space.
You can find the details of what to expect after the session, price, short video explanation and book through the link below.