I’ve been bitter lately and wanting to punch walls. And honestly, I know why I’m here.
I set some goals for myself this year, and I didn’t hit them. It felt like one disappointment after another.
And every time, I was resilient. I picked myself back up and tried again.
Until eventually, I just got angry.
And underneath the anger, I realized there was a part of me that had known for a while that I was going in the wrong direction.
But I kept thinking that maybe the universe would do its part and help me get where I wanted to go anyway.
And then, once I got there, I could circle back to the path I actually wanted.
And when that didn’t happen, I was pissed.
Like… really pissed.
And I’ve been in this strange, bitter place where everything feels harder than it normally does.
I have less patience. Little things bother me. And I’ve even had random visions of punching a hole in the wall.
I don’t like feeling this way.
I haven’t felt this way since something similar happened in 2019.
And I could absolutely use all the tools I have to try to shift myself out of it.
But right now, that doesn’t feel like the move.
It feels like spiritual bypassing.
So I’m letting myself be here.
Just slowing down to listen and feel.
I’m paying attention to what this bitterness has to teach me.
Because I already know there’s gold here.
I can see it.
This season has finally gotten me to say yes to the path I’ve been ignoring.
And that path is Self-Worship School.
Finally!
Much love,
Essence
P.S.
How are you?
How are you feeling?