Girl, You're Not Needy. You're Empty.
A client session that revealed the real reason so many women feel stuck.
I had a client session and she said she’s in a weird limbo. Not quite in her relationship, not quite out of it.
Not quite unhappy at her job, but not growing there either.
She kept saying things like, “I don’t know how to get myself out of it” and “I feel like I’m dwelling more than I’m doing.”
And as she talked, the thing that kept surfacing wasn’t about her relationship or her job at all.
It was that she spent years giving everything she had to everyone around her.
Her relationship. Her kid. Her work.
And somewhere in there, she stopped giving anything to herself.
She said it herself:
“I cater to the relationship more than my own needs, and then maybe I come across needy if I’m not getting the same in return.”
That sentence has stayed with me because I think a lot of women have been there.
Here’s what I told her.
Even if he gave you everything back. Even if he matched your effort exactly. It still wouldn’t be enough.
Because he was never the source.
You are the only one who can fill you up.
That’s not a nice quote for Instagram.
It’s the actual mechanics of what happens when you feel that need, that low grade resentment when someone doesn’t respond the way you hoped they would.
Your body isn’t asking them to fill you up. It’s asking you to notice that you’ve been running on empty.
And yes you can ask for help but most women take that extra time to do something else instead of replenishing.
This shows up outside relationships too
I want you to think about how this same pattern plays out when it’s time to show up for your purpose.
To post the thing. To say the thing. To finally let people see you, the real you.
So many women I work with pour everything into everyone but themselves, and then wonder why their body freezes the second it’s their turn to take up space.
Why the podcast never gets recorded after three weeks of researching microphones.
It’s the same well.
You can’t give from nothing. You can’t be visible from nothing.
Whatever you’ve been pouring into your relationship, your job, your kids, it’s the same reserve your voice, your message, and your calling need too.
And when that well is dry, your body knows before your mind does.
It pulls back.
It hesitates.
It researches instead of taking action.
Your job isn’t to get them to fill you
With my client, the shift wasn’t in the relationship. It was in her.
It’s your job to heal what’s asking to be healed.
To give your body and soul what it needs.
It’s your job to give yourself the acknowledgment you’re waiting on someone else to give you.
You in control of your wholeness and fullness.
Whatever anyone else brings just adds to that. It was never supposed to fill you completely.
I know that because I’ve lived it.
I spent years overriding myself, trying to have enough energy left over for my work, my people, and my calling when I had already spent it all somewhere else.
I had to learn a completely different way to be in my body so that I could consistently show-up and take action.
If your gifts are still sitting inside you
If you’ve got a message, a story, or a calling that’s been waiting, and you keep starting and stopping, I want you to hear this:
Nothing is wrong with you.
Your body isn’t sabotaging you.
It’s protecting a well that’s been empty for a long time, and it’s not going to let you pour from it until you start filling it back up.
That’s the foundation of the Somatic Visibility Blueprint, my beta program (learn more).
It’s not another content strategy or posting schedule.
I help you create the safety to be visible.
Through breath.
Through movement.
Through softness.
Through sensuality.
Once your nervous system is relaxed enough, your body knows how to replenish itself, and safety follows.
I believe that when a woman feels safe in her body, her voice, gifts, and medicine naturally begin to come forward.
If this feels like something you’d like to explore, I’d love to talk.
I’m looking for two women to take through my beta program.
Book a free 45-minute Visibility Call and we’ll look together at where your well has gone empty and what it would take to fill it back up.
A question to sit with
Where are you waiting for someone else, or something else, to fill you up?
And what would it look like to start filling that in yourself first?
Much love,
Essence Turner